A Life's CrossRoad....

Have you reached the crossroad in your life? I would like to share a recent event that a young gentleman experienced that changed his life forever…. I call this life’s crossroad.

A few days ago, I woke up to a beautiful morning with the sun peeping from the horizon, blue skies and sunshine streaming from tall trees finding its way to the ground. I had bubbly feelings as I jumped off the bed to open my windows to the cool breeze of the morning accompanied by pine-scented gentle wind.  Indeed I thought this is such a blessed morning. I took a bath and went to work carrying with me the feeling of joy and anticipation of what is to come during the day. 

I arrived at the office with so much enthusiasm and excitement as I normally do every day. The excitement today though is several notches higher than normal. I do not have an inkling why I was feeling so great that day even after several minutes of trying to pin-point what caused it. I decided to let it go and started work until I was jolted when I remembered I had to call my boss for information that will decide the future of two staffs of mine.  They have undertaken the 6-months training for the key positions and are awaiting the result of the last phase – the competency assessment.

One of whom was seated across me as I talked over the phone. I signaled him that he didn’t make it while the other one did.  When I was done, he was no longer there. A lot of thoughts crossed my mind. What happened? I had high hopes that this Gentlemen will finish with high colors. I retraced my steps for the past few days and recalled his narration of the events when he underwent the assessment at the training institution and the story goes this way. 

It was a sunny morning and everyone at the training center was busy getting ready to hurdle the tasks for the day. They were each assigned an assessor that will evaluate their competencies. He was assigned to a good lawyer and he thought he was fortunate to have one with a similar mindset. Alas! It was a misfortune. Everything turned sour and he was given a failing mark. He felt he was singled out and treated unfairly by the Evaluators – and probably he was right. 

When we evaluate people, the power to make or break a person is with us and the decision we give will mold their future. We are like gods directing people’s lives. This is the very reason I take interviews seriously.  When the assessors failed the gentleman, they drew his future for him. Changes have to take place not only in his own life but that of his family. They too must have felt so bad that moment. 

I had mixed emotions that time. I was happy and sad. Happy that one staff of mine made it and sad that another one didn’t. I was sadder though and I felt I was a complete failure. Thoughts like I should have given them the best training and advice crossed my mind. I sat in the darkness of my office for a long time until I felt pain in my head. Ouch! Not again. 

I left the office at 8:00 in the evening. I didn’t even realize it was late. I tried to contact my staff that night but he  must have preferred solitude. Even I would do that if that happened to me. I felt sorry for him. 

The next day, I tried again but I was not able to, so I stopped trying. After two days, I suddenly got his phone ringing but no one was picking up and no message at all. As the boss, I thought I should have been the first that he should talk to but I found out later that it was not the case. I was hurt. It was an indication that I was not among the people he would look up to. In most cases, the head of office is the first person that employees talk to on all matters whether official or personal. I was wrong all along. Probably, I was expecting too much.

When he finally came to talk to me, I looked at him straight in the eye and I saw the depth of his pain, a sorrow that can melt even the heart of the most unfeeling human being. I never saw so much sadness and despair in a person’s eye. I was taken aback by an ocean of agony that was mirrored in his eyes. I knew then that he must have felt the world closed on him. He was at his breaking point and wanted to disappear. I felt his pain radiate to me even without him saying a single word. I was even afraid to touch him lest he evaporates into thin air. It was a very delicate moment as I tried to thread my way to help him. 

There was silence for quite a time until I saw him drop his head as tears rolled down his cheeks. The tear of a stinging pain that shredded and even powdered his heart until it cannot feel anymore. I know the feeling – experience taught me that. I knew he did his best not to shed a tear but the enormous and cutting pain cannot be locked in.

I sat there not knowing where and how to start helping him get out of his grief. He showed me his result and indeed, all that he told me about the events during the assessment were all the same observations contained in his competency report. As the head I would know the capacity and capability of each of my people and that kept me wondering to this date how the competency assessment was done. 

To my mind, the interview and simulated exercises are not the best tools to gauge the competence of the trainee. A few hours of exercises and interviews are not enough to ascertain the competency of an individual. I still believe that the field immersion – the application of the lessons is the most appropriate measure. It would have been better if the competence was measured from day 1 up to the last day of the training. With that span of time, you can already see the ability and observe the attitude of a person.

As I always say “nakikita ang kakayahan sa gawa”. No matter how high your rating is if you cannot apply it in actual work is worthless. Additionally, the best person to rate the competence of a person is the immediate supervisor. I have nothing against academic excellence but this has to be translated into concrete successes when one is fielded out. 

Few cans of beer loosened his tongue and he started to share his thoughts. I listened and tears started to roll down my cheeks as he continued to talk. Every word he uttered was coming out so painfully that even a stranger cannot help but cry. When he was done, I too got the courage to tell him “it is not the end of the world. It is just one of those trainings. You need to get to terms with it so you can move on”. He said “ma’am it is easier said than done” and I agreed with him but even then at some point we have to accept it. 

I told him not to make any rush decisions that moment because choices made at the height of emotions are most often faulty. He has to give it time before making major steps in his life.  

I told him about my daughter’s experience but I know nothing was sinking in. He was so engrossed with his pain but still I continued to talk sense into him, encouraging him to look at it as an opportunity to explore other options-meaning, him taking the bar again.  

My own daughter failed her CPA Board (she is now a CPA). I cried with her as I felt her pain through my veins. It was an excruciating pain that made me feel so cold inside. If only I can take away her pain I will do it. I would rather suffer it for her than see her in pain. After all the sweat and sufferings she made it. The good thing with her is that she didn’t give up and I salute her with her courage. (Sorry anak to share your story but I know that you would not mind if it will help others fight for their life)

Sharing my own story with him was my way of telling him that he is not the only one who experienced the ups and downs of life. That everyone had their own CROSSROADS at one point. That the crossroad can actually mean VICTORY. I did not expect him to think rationally that time but my intention was for him to think of my story when everything has calmed down and he can think objectively.

I told him “this is a cross-road in your life that you need to seriously look into. Which way would you like to take? The left?, right? Or straight on?. You need to make a choice whether to give in to defeat or to brave it and move on”.  

Success is not measured by what one brings, but rather by what one leaves. Failure should challenge us to new heights of accomplishment, not pull us down to new depths of despair. Failure is delay, but not defeat. It is a temporary detour not a DEAD-END STREET.

I shared this story to a good friend and mentor of mine and even her was saddened by the story. If only she was here she could have fought tooth and nail for the gentleman. Her encouragement gave me strength to go on with the battle. I just hope the conclusion of all these is VICTORY. A million thanks to you my friend.  No amount of words or number of THANK YOUs can ever describe my appreciation of all the things you were and continue to be for me and other people whose lives you have touched.

Continue to believe in your ability and make the most of the state you are in now. Make this an opportunity to explore and do better in life. I have full confidence in your mental and emotional intelligence. You have it in you.

We can only do so much for you. You are still the major player here.

Lesson: Take your failures in your stride. It is a constant in life. 

My lesson? DO NOT GO FOR TRAINING…