Life is what you make it.....

Does that sound familiar? You hear it every now and then from conversations. Is life really what you make it? Others say, you are destined for the life you have now  but I say NO.

LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT... your present decisions affect your future.... right? 

 


 Learn to do what you love to do and do not let other people rule your world. Only you can make yourself happy. 

Have the guts to find what makes you happy and enjoy life to the fullest. 

The SM Sequel

A week ago the urge to go to SM was great that I had to sit down and think a 100 times if I should give in. It was a beautiful evening so I opted to go. It seems SM is beckoning me to its folds. I thought why not? Anyway the following day is a non-working day. So off I went and strolled from one store to the other without buying anything.

When I got tired walking around, I decided to go home but found myself in a very long queue for a cab. It was raining heavily that people wanted to get a cab from there.There were about a hundred people waiting for their turn to get a cab. I joined the line and waited for half an hour before I finally found myself about to ride a cab. 

Suddenly, a woman in her late 20s approached me requesting if I can allow her go before me explaining that she has a visitor at home and she needed to go home immediately. I looked at her and said “I do not think I can do that, look at the long queue of people who have patiently waited for almost an hour. I do not think it is fair to them. If you like, you can take the cab with me, drop me at my place and direct the cab to where you are going. That is the only way I can help you”

She looked at me like I said a bad word and left. I smiled to myself and the man behind me said “what does she think she is? Everybody is hurrying to go home. She should have taken your offer” I didn’t know the man next to me in the line was listening to the whole conversation.

Lesson? There are always choices…
My Lesson? Do not talk to strangers  hehehe…

The SM Experience...

Our SM in Baguio is one of the few SMs in the country with a unique built. Nowhere can you see an SM designed like ours. People flock to SM for many reasons. I know some will disagree I am pretty sure some do also nod their heads to what I am going to say. For one, SM is one-stop-shop. Two, it is the biggest shopping mall in the city. Three, it is at the heart of Baguio and lastly, you do not get wet even with heavy rains when you decide to go home from your shopping spree.

The reason I am telling you this is I want to relate to you an experience I had in SM just two days ago. I went to SM to buy myself a cooling pad. The one I currently have has not been functioning for days and I thought it was time I got a replacement. After buying the most needed gadget and roaming around SM I decided to go home. It was around 6:00 in the afternoon and raining heavily so I went to find the end of the long queue which is a normal setting in SM especially when it is raining. I realized that the end of the line was at BDO which means that there are about almost 200 people on the line and still increasing in number.

When I was near the taxi stand I noticed a guy with a number of luggage standing at the entrance fidgeting and seemed bored. I noticed him becoz he was in a printed polo of yellow and green with a matching hat and shorts that seem too large for him. I have nothing against punks though. I surmised they must be visitors because Baguio people do not dress that way. At last, after an hour I was 3rd on the line for a cab when the woman behind me called the guy to hurry up with their luggage. She was grumbling “Ano ba naman yan. Kokonti pala ang taxi dito. Maghihintay ka pa ng isang oras bago makasakay” while arranging their luggage in front of them on the line.

“I should not have come to Baguio had I known it is like this”. She continued talking to herself.
I turned to her and said “Lady, this is rush hour. Add to it the heavy rains. I am sure wherever you come from, when it rains, people get stuck in many places to keep dry and transportation becomes difficult”. Do you want me to tell you how many taxi cabs are roaming the city right now? There are thousands of them in a very small space.

“I suggest that you do not make conclusions of what Baguio is with just this incident. It is not fair. If you just arrived in Baguio, try to keep your mind open until you have seen it all before you make your judgment not before that”.

She looked at me tongue-tied. I do not know why and what was running in her mind that very moment and I didn’t care. It is enough that I have said my piece. I turned my back to her and took the next cab coz I was the next to go.

I love Baguio and I would not trade it for any other place…..

Lesson learned? Do not be judgmental.
My Lesson? Put on your headset hehehe…

The Friend...

Sleepless again....

Instead of worrying why I cannot sleep, I would like to share a beautiful experience I had in the city of pines. One rainy afternoon, a few years ago, I was leaving the store of a gasoline station in Baguio when I slipped and pitched forward nearly bumping my head on a car parked in front of the establishment had it not been for an alert gentleman standing nearby.

He caught me in time before I smashed my head on the side of the car. I twisted my ankle though and had to lean on him coz my feet can no longer support me. The pain was too much and he had to help me to a seat and told me to just relax and let him handle it.

I was so embarrassed. There were a number of people enjoying late afternoon coffee with their buddies and friends. I felt I was so stupid but mind you, the floor made of tiles was truly slippery.
The gentleman was indeed gentle as he massaged my ankle and treat it with warm compress. I have no idea where he got a towel and warm water. I closed my eyes as I felt the excruciating pain making it difficult for me to move my legs. I lost track of time as the pain bothered me until he spoke and asked if I wanted to be brought to the hospital but I refused.

He continued to help me ease the pain with the warm compress. As the pain lessened I looked at him intently and saw compassion and sincerity in his eyes. I said "I don't know you but thanks so much for taking time to help me. There are still good people in this world. I truly appreciate your help." He looked at me and said "I know that you would have done the same for me if I were in your place" I reflected on his statement and a lot of thoughts crowded my mind like would I have done the same? Or would I have walked away? My answer that very moment was yes, cause I am a recipient of a good deed but if I was not, would I have?

He hailed a cab and offered to bring me home but I told him he has already done so much. Before the cab left, I gave him my card and told him "I hope I can return the favor in some other way" I went home still thinking how good people can be if they wanted to.

A year after, I went to visit a friend at the hospital and as I was leaving, I saw a familiar face on a wheelchair and stared knowing in my heart that I knew him - the gentleman who helped me a year earlier. As I was walking towards him, I was rewarded with a smile - a sad smile. He lifted his hands ready for a handshake and when I caught his hands I felt coldness envelope me. He was very sick.
I looked at him and took the wheelchair from the lady pushing it while asking the room number. I started moving the wheelchair while telling him how my ankle healed and he was chuckling happily listening. At that moment, I felt as if I knew him for a very long time. He told me about his life after we met the first time – the parties he attended with friends, the experiences he had when he was looking for work in Manila and how he wind up knowing he is ill and so on.

I stayed with him in the hospital for eight hours that day talking to him and watching him while he rested. Went to visit him daily for 60 days and during those times, we shared a moment I know I will never forget. He was happy most of the time I was there together with his family and friends. The only thing I can do for him is to be with him and that was what I did. He did a good fight but I believe, it was time for him to go.

To make the story short, he died two months later..... I didn't tell you he was just 28, at the prime of his life. Today is his death anniversary.

Lesson? Be compassionate
My lesson? Do not walk, buy a car hehehe.....

After All…..

“A Life’s Crossroad” and “The Aftermath”, experiences that has yet to see its conclusion. The big question is “what will happen?” – to the request and to the gentleman? I know there are people waiting to see the outcome. What will it be? Some are praying for victory, some are skeptic and still others are simply not for it but I am positive something good will come off it. 

The wait is endless that kindles uncertainties and doubts. The delay ushers in different thoughts and conclusions that one will not indulge in had the process been speedy. Even the most positive person entertains qualms when faced with situation such as this. The fears and suspicions that this may not bring about good results are not farfetched when one has to wait longer than necessary.

I am hoping that the efforts I have put in together with the support from other people and sectors will not be put to naught. The perseverance to follow through all that have been done by the Gentleman himself is not a futile act but a prompt to awaken the concerned people at the top.

It has been weeks since that unforgettable day and nothing have been done yet. This may not seem important to most of us but a life-threatening episode to the Gentleman. As earlier mentioned in the previous articles, this event scarred him for the rest of his life and those that empathized with him – family and close friends. If you had a similar experience in your life, you will understand what I am talking about here. If not, you will have a difficult time grasping it. I am pretty sure though that most of us if not all landed in similar situations thus, we know the feelings. 

The feeling that the world collapsed on you, that you are drowning and do not seem to find a block of wood to cling on is something that kills the spirit to fight it. It is like you are in a pitch dark cave and cannot see anything around that you want to climb out of it and see the light. Do you even know what I am trying to picture here? I hope so. 

I know my kid (the CPA) can identify with the Gentleman, since she has gone through worst. The first time she took the CPA Board, she was in Manila. It was 8:00 in the evening when she got the maddening news and immediately called me up. She was sobbing uncontrollably and the pain transmitted to me was the worst pain I ever encountered. If you experienced pain that pulverizes your heart and not only break it to pieces. The pain that squeezes and wrings your abdominal -  that was the pain I felt that very moment. I knew she was feeling the same, the reason I felt it all. Probably, that is what mothers feel when their kids are in pain. No mom would like their kids to feel pain. If only I had wings then, I would have flown to be with her but alas, I was just human. The only thing I can do then is to let her know that whatever the result is, I still love her and I am still here for her.

She shed buckets of tears and was laden with unfathomable grief. It was a threatening event in her life – the darkest moment. I knew she did her best but probably, it was not her time. I was praying then that she will have the courage to brave it and move on and she did.

She didn’t take that as failure but a stepping stone to greater heights.. The experience made her stronger and braver. She did it again and finally here she is ….. a CPA through and through… She was made of tough stuff more than I am. UNBELIEVABLE! I thought I was strong but it seems she is stronger than I am. If I was in her shoes I could have probably given up.. but she did not. Kudos to you my dearest girl… you had it in you… 

When she made it, she wrote a note to me “mama, thanks for all the support”, her name and a caption “CPA” – that was the best note I ever got in my whole life.

The Gentleman can learn from this experience. Like my kid, failure is not the end of the world, it is just the beginning of a better one. If my kid came out a victor, you can too. I know that to this day my kid still has the scar of that experience like you do but I also know that it will be a reminder to both of you that you are where you are today because you had the guts to face it and conquer it. 

I hope that you young gentleman will learn from my daughter’s experience and overcome that hurdle in your life and be one of the great ones someday… I know you will still have to go through a lot but that will make you a stronger person and better one. 

When I was a kid I used to think about the “end of the world” and I start crying wishing I can fly high above the earth and the skies and not be affected by it. Every time I think about it I feel like drowning… and no one is saving me. I just know that the end of the world means death to all of us and there will be no earth only nothingness…. Would that not make you cry? I was just 7 then. How I wished that I can conquer it but can’t.

I was devastated and knew not where and what to do. I just cried in my sleep every night until one day, I told myself well if that be the case, why waste my time crying? So I started to enjoy my childhood. 

My point is, accept it and move on. It is not the end of the world. You still have the world at your feet to explore and find the best for you. Take this as an opportunity to find yourself. There is a better one that god has set aside for you. Believe me I experienced that. Later in your life, you will realize why this incident happened to you and you will understand why it did. 

You have done all that you can so let god do the rest. After all… we do not know god's plan for us.  

I am hoping that  we see the light soon as this will also mean changes in the Department's processes and policies.

Lesson? Do not let a failure wear you down…

My lesson?  Tulog na lang ako… hehehe

THE ENCOUNTER...

Just a few days ago, a very close friend of mine told me a harrowing and unbelievable story that makes anyone who hears it wonder why a person can do that to another. I had goose bumps when I heard it. Let us call this story “THE ENCOUNTER” an experience that changed my friend’s outlook about life and relationships completely. 

She belongs to a brood of nine, all professionals except one. Years before this, she and an older brother had been very close until one day just a year ago something happened that changed their relationship forever.

They are not a rich lineage. Why am I telling this is because it has something to do with the story. They had good parents both professionals too and they were brought up with Roman Catholic teachings. 

Let us call the brother – Ito and my friend as Deegee. They were just a few years apart and grew together. In their adult life, at some points, Ito got himself in difficult situations and guess what? It was always Deegee who was there for him. When life was not fair to Ito, Deegee had to take care of even the smallest things that Ito needed to the point that Deegee’s kids felt bad that their mom seem to be obligated to take care of him. Helping your brother or sister I believe, is the essence of kinship. No one will help your kin but you. NO ONE WILL TAKE A BULLET FOR YOUR BROTHER OR SISTER BUT YOU.

There were numerous instances that Deegee had to sacrifice only to help Ito financially since Ito was jobless and had no source of income. Deegee being compassionate that she is, was always ready to extend a helping hand. In fact she had been supporting him for small things for years. These acts may not be huge but are nevertheless assistance that Ito cannot get anywhere else.

Deegee’s mindset is that, if she will not handhold her brother who will? No one will voluntarily take the responsibility to help other people. Why would they? Life is difficult and they have families and relatives to tend to. They would rather help their kin than helping other people. I am not saying that there are no people willing to help but there is always a limit to it. They can only help so much.

So the story goes… One day, Ito who was in another place doing some business called Deegee soliciting her support for the business he is trying to build. It was a buy and sell thing. Ito told Deegee that he needs cash to buy an item and sell it within a week unfortunately, Deegee did not have the cash that time. Ito told her to find a way to remedy the cash needed anyway Ito will sell the item immediately and pay back. 

To cut the story short, Deegee got a loan at an interest that makes the skin crawl. She thought that anyway it is just for a week but the weeks became months and the months became years until Deegee was forced to carry the load. The loan quadrupled and Deegee was left with no other recourse but to borrow from someone to pay the loan that became so huge.

Fortunately, someone lend her but because of some misfortunes, Deegee was not able to return the money that was borrowed. She was harassed time and again. The worst thing is that Ito knew the woman from whom Deegee borrowed the cash and started to harass Deegee. He even went to the extent of telling Deegee that she is a “cheat”, that she intended to swindle the money from the start. Don’t you think the swindler is Ito? She made Deegee believed that there is truly a business that was in fact not there. 

Deegee told him that if the intention was to cheat, she would not have signed any document relative to the loan. One thing more, Degee never cheated on anyone. Ito had the nerve to tell her something like that when it was him who spent the money. He was the reason why Deegee borrowed money in the first place. Had he not swindled her sister, would this thing have happened? I think not. She has the documents to show that the money was indeed sent to Ito. 

I saw the pain in Deegee’s eyes, the pain of betrayal. She cried her heart out not caring whether she is being observed or not. I felt her pain too and I wanted to slap his brother for all the heartache he caused Deegee, I was seated just across her when the news reached her. She was trying her best to maintain her composure but her emotions cannot be held back. How I wish I can wipe away her pain that very moment but I cannot. It is only her who can heal the pain… and only time can tell if it is healed. 

She looked at me like a wounded soldier, mirroring the pain that she is going through. I can see sorrow in her eyes. If only you saw what I did, you will understand why I am so pained too. She has been a good friend to me and I know when she is hurt deeply or not and when she is crying inside even without the tears. I am sure that her wound will heal with time but the scar will remain. 

She called her younger brother and while talking to him unrestrained pearls of tears kept rolling down her cheeks… the tears of SORROW, that your own blood can betray you for the wrong reasons. I can only empathize with her. The grief was too deep that her voice trembled and her body shook as she tried to release her pain. There is nothing more hurting than a loved one betraying his own…. I do not want to be in Deegee’s place at any point in my life. Probably, I will not survive it.

If I were in her shoes I will feel the same. I cannot imagine a brother doing harm to a younger sister for a fault not of her doing. The fault emanated from the acts of her brother Ito. May be she has a hand in it but not entirely her fault – this is a case of too much love for a brother. You do anything to help him.

The painful part is that, when you are the one in need will he be there for you? In this case, he was even the one who is pushing his sister to the edge. I was more of the thought that Ito should be the one to help resolve the issue since the woman is a friend of his.

Deegee made a mistake of taking the cudgels for someone who cannot be trusted. Someone, who will betray her when convenient. 

Other people in our lives come and go but your brethren are fixtures in your life whom you will always run to no matter what. I tell you this, time will come that you will need Deegee again. Do you think she will still be there for you after this? 

Deegee felt so bad that her brother, her own blood and whom he had helped for years can do that to her. He sided with the woman and threatened her sister. A BETRAYAL at its peak. Choosing someone over your own sister? Was that person there with you when you were having a difficult time? I doubt. Will she be there forever? – that’s a dream. 

Deegee is one person who has a compassionate heart and this can be affirmed by the people who know her. She has a ready hand so long as it is within her capacity to help and does it with passion especially so if she believes in what she is doing. 

I am reminded of what a friend said “You are too trusting ma’am” and I say now yes KCDY, I was but I think I will not anymore”. I will even close my eyes so I will not see any difficulties and teach my heart not to be compassionate. I might end up like Deegee. 

Lesson: Be careful, do not be too trusting. Even your brother can be your best enemy.

My lesson? Do not trust your brother… hehehe

The Aftermath...

A sleepless night again! Whew! Have you had an experience that haunted you for weeks? If yes, then you probably can relate to mine, if not, hear this one – “THE AFTERMATH” a sequel of “A LIFE’S CROSSROAD” – written a week earlier. If you have not read it yet do so http://emotionsandrelationships.blogspot.com/.  

“The Aftermath” goes this way. A few days after the incident, I was still bothered with what happened. I still feel bad about it and I cannot imagine what happened and what took place during that training phase. My thoughts kept going back to the time when I took that same route some decades ago. I tried to recall the events then and found myself smiling at the happy and memorable days. I even remembered the time when I did my first public speaking exercise and talked about "celibacy".

I nearly was not able to talk in front of a hundred strong 35th LGOO batchers. I was tongue-tied at first until I got my equilibrium at work and started to talk about the Roman catholic practice of celibacy among its priests. That it was not said so in the bible that one has to stay away from sexual intimacies but a catholic doctrine to be so. If this is an indication of incompetence, then I should have been dropped from the rolls. My point is, you cannot measure one's competence by a mere interview or few simulation exercises - the true measure if I may again can be truly gauged from day 1 to last day of the training. So much for that. So to continue.

I started to map out what has to be done. I jotted down schemes and names and where to start and how to do it. I finally decided to write my own letter and why not? I wrote three people to lay down my case and even called some of them to ascertain that they are with me on this.

After days of having to go through the ordeal of saving a person from a devastating encounter, I was left with nothing but an endless wait. At one point, the gentleman came into my office and said “ma’am, thanks for all the help” I looked at him and saw naked honesty in his words and I said “welcome, this is the only help I can give you”. I can still see the pain in his eyes but I can also sense his desire to get over it.

The one thing that I am thankful for is that he has taken it as a challenge and has heeded my advices. I may not be that good as a leader but deep down I know I have helped someone get over the hurdles of life.

I can honestly say that I did my best. I talked to people, wrote letters, consulted the higher ups and requested help from friends. I exhausted all the remedies and assistance I could muster but I still feel it is inadequate- I wish I could do more but all else are beyond me…. 

After doing what I thought can help this gentleman get back on his feet and have his request granted, the road ahead was suddenly barren – there is nothing more I can do but to constantly get in touch with people who can help and hope for the best. 

I am doing this not for anything else but the pain… I saw in those vivid eyes on that fateful day. It has haunted me and continued to do so to this date. Every time I see him, I am reminded of the deep grief mirrored in his eyes that pierced my very soul. The pain I saw then had shaken me so much that each time I look at him in the eye now, I have apprehensions and fear that I might be looking at the same depth of pain that I would not like to encounter again.

As earlier narrated in “A Life’s Crossroad”, I too felt bad when a staff of mine did not make it in one of the major undertakings that one has to go through to obtain a higher position in the Department. I knew that finishing the training was a key factor to a most important decision in his career and life – the reason for the devastation he felt then. 

A single X mark on a sheet of paper decided the life of one person. The X ushered in major changes in his career and personal life, vital decisions that have to be made and actions that have to be instituted. The X decided the fate of a person. This is how powerful a single X can make in one’s life. It is tantamount to drawing the map of a person’s life. 

Back then and to this writing, I feel I could have done something to ensure success and victory but I did not and for that I blame myself partly for his failure. Being the immediate supervisor, I could have coached and mentored him. This is what has been and continue to eat me for the past weeks after that day. If only I could turn back the hands of time I will. Alas! That is not the way things are done. I have to learn to live with my regrets for not doing the right thing.

 Others may say otherwise and I respect their opinion but that is how I feel about it and no one can change that… 

To this writing, even with his efforts to move on, I know that the experience has scarred him for the rest of his life as it did me. I have learned my lesson well.

The Aftermath of rain is sunshine.

Lesson? When one door closes on you, a better one opens to embrace you.

My lesson? Sleep so you stop thinking.